I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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