he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have post one night stand depression
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
