I'm going to jail i love you
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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