he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
