You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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