dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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