Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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