MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I cut my penus on the lid.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
