ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
