FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
