If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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