Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
