Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
