seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I can text with my tongue
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize