i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
