Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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