I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize