If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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