Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
