I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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