he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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