is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
