I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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