New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
