I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
