Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
