3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
