it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
