Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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