Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize