Have you finally orgasmed yet?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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