and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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