Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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