my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize