I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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