What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
