my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
