Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
