respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
