Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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