mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
