The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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