what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Randomize
