How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
