I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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