dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
