I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
