I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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