I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize