I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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