New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
