Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
