I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
