He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
