dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
