so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
