you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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