Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
