hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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