Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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