Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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