I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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