Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
