I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
