Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
People in love make me want to vomit
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
