God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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