the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I wear drunk well.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
