I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
