He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
