Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
