i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
