I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize