just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
