oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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