Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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