I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize