You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
