So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
