is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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