The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize