So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
