Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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