I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
